The Unseen Scars: Guilt and Shame

Divorce is a battleground of emotions, but two often linger long after the fighting stops: guilt and shame. These powerful forces take root for several reasons, particularly due to societal pressures that you, as a woman, often face. You might be wondering, "Why am I feeling this way? Did I fail?". Let's explore these emotions and how to move forward.

The Difference Between Shame and Guilt

Guilt whispers, "You did something bad." Shame screams, "You are bad," a more pervasive feeling that makes you question your entire worth.

The Weight of Expectation

From childhood fairytales to societal expectations, you were likely conditioned to prioritize your roles as a wife and mother. Divorce, then, feels like a personal failure. You believed that as a woman, you should be the anchor, the nurturer, the one who holds the relationship and family together. So when your marriage crumbles, it feels like you've ripped a hole in that tapestry, like you've somehow failed to live up to who you were "supposed" to be. This pressure is suffocating, leaving you shrouded in shame, questioning your very worth.

The Blame Game Trap

Relationships are complex tangles, woven by both partners. Yet, our minds often default to blame. You replay over and over conversations and moments in your head, dissecting your actions and trying to fix them, even wishing if you could go back in time. You wonder: "Could I have done more?" "What if I had done this?" "What if I were like that?" This constant questioning will eventually morph into self-blame and guilt, a heavy weight that makes you feel like the sole reason for the divorce.

The Fear of Whispers

The fear of being judged by family, friends, and society amplifies the sting of shame. Divorce still carries a stigma, especially for women. The whispers, the questioning glances—they feel like a constant reminder of societal expectations not met, of feeling unworthy, of feeling like a failure. It's crucial to remember that your worth is not defined by your marital status. The outdated opinions of others shouldn't hold you back from embracing your own journey forward, even those of your family.

Reflect and Reframe

Pause and take a moment to answer these questions:

• What do I think of myself?
• What do I think of my divorce?
• Do I feel guilt, shame, or both? Why?

These unseen scars of guilt and shame are significant hurdles on the path to healing. But by understanding their roots, you automatically begin to dismantle them. Remember, divorce is a chapter, not the whole story. With self-acceptance and a shift in perspective, you can write a new chapter. So what will it be? Victim? Or Victor?

You got this!

Charlene, The Intimacy Maven

I have been broken, so I know there are happier chapters ahead for you…If you would like some free customized guidance… feel free to book a 30-minute call with me directly. Book here. 

Share how guilt and shame show up in your life in the comments below.

Lastly, no woman walks this path alone. Share this article with the women in your circle and let us create a safe space for healing and self-reconnection.